Evolutions

Change can be difficult, it is often uncomfortable, it takes effort. It demands deliberate practice and careful thought.

So why do we do it?

Because the frustration, discomfort and pain of where we are stuck becomes unbearable. Or the potential for deadly consequences of inaction create a big enough emotional driver to push us out of our grave deep rut.

However it happens, we kindle the awareness of the need for change and gather the motivation to start. We move from unaware & incompetent through growing awareness and step by step increase in skill, ability and confidence.

Awareness, Desire, Knowledge, Ability, Practice

You have to be aware that you have a problem before you can solve it. Your unhappiness is a symptom that something isn’t right and needs to change.

Once you are aware, you have to have enough desire to fix the problem to go looking for solutions. This generally means the problem has to cause a big enough pain to get you off your arse to work out your options.

Once you have awareness, desire, information/ knowledge and options, you can work on your ability to execute. This is the phase where you start to try things out and often where we fail, get frustrated and quit. Or if you have a growth mindset, try, fail, learn, try again, fail better etc. until you succeed enough.

There are steps we tend to follow on our journey from unaware to change.

Unaware
Aware.
Consideration.
Experimentation.
Adoption.
Commitment.

Unaware:

Just living your life doing what you do. Busy, busy, busy. You are sedentary and unaware of what to change or even the need to change. We are abandon any responsibility for our health, wellbeing or anything else. We are a unthinking cork pushed around by the currents of influencers, advertising and popular trends. At this point we are a marketing person’s ideal client.

For most people the problem is not as radical as shooting up heroin or pouring a litre of Scotch down your throat every night. Most people’s slide into unhealthy is gradual and often only becomes apparent when we hit our 40s or something happens.

The heart of the problem is lack of awareness. You eat the standard Western diet. You don’t move much if at all. You don’t sleep well. Your stress level is high. You are addicted to your phone. You couldn’t tell me what your blood pressure or your resting heart rate are if your life depended on it…

I had a client who’s wake up call was when he couldn’t keep up with his 6 year old kicking a football around. At the other end of the spectrum, I know someone who had his first heart attack at 41.

If you were fit as a kid, most of us can coast on our youth fitness for around 20 years. Of course if you weren’t fit as a young adult, then you started your slide from a much less healthy point. The impact of poor habits will have started way earlier. Expect the consequences to hit earlier too.

Awareness:
You become aware you have a problem. Growing awareness that the path you are on is not taking you where you want to go. You need change. You start making sporadic attempts with limited success. You try increasing your movement, modifying nutrition or practicing life skills.

Here facts have to compete with denial and denial is strong. “I might not fit in my jeans any more, but I’m only a little overweight etc. It isn’t too bad”. This is made worse if the people you spend most time with are also obese, drug users, heavy drinkers or whatever. They become your measure of normal and ‘normal’ can be pretty fucked up.

Whatever strikes the spark of awareness, you develop a growing acceptance that the way you are living is not serving you any more. At some point this will mean stepping away from doing what you’re currently doing. This may mean stepping away from the people you were doing the old behaviours with.

Consideration:

You have accepted you have a problem. Life is not comfortable or you have a physical, mental or emotional pain you can’t easily fix. Our usual solutions are part of the problem (sex, porn, drugs, phone addiction etc.). You probably have many interconnected problems even if you are only aware of one pain point. There is likely to be some degree of bargaining going on. “I’ll not drink during the week, but have a drink on weekends etc.”.

You are then confronted by lots of people trying to sell you a solution. Generally the people selling you a solution will try to persuade you that theirs is the easiest, quickest or best solution. Most of them are bullshit preying on the desperate. Some will work for a while and then stop. Some like meal repacement shakes will grow dependance. Few will train you to have the skills to be self sufficient, understand the principles that underpin what you’re trying to change. Even fewer will give you a flexible approach that can stretch and change with your daily time, energy or effort levels available. Social media is rife with solutions sold using hot models as evidence that you could look like them.

Experimentation:

We pick the problem we think is most serious and try a solution on for size. This is probably the hardest stage because we don’t have a habit to rely on. Everything requires conscious though, time and effort. There are so many approaches we could take to each issue and so many competing voices promising a solution. This is where we find out what works for us under which circumstances. We generally start by trying something that has worked in the past, what a celebrity is promoting or the latest fad. If we are smart here we’ll set our expectations to include the occasional failure. We’ll create a plan that’ll get us back on the habit and avoid the self hatred spiral.

Adoption:

You have brought focus to what to change. You are determined. You combine clear prioritisation and some environmental nudges. You start to see some success on your goals. You feel better. Your confidence grows.

This will mean permanently switching old habits for new. This might mean reducing contact with some of our social group most closely associated with the bad habits.

We should be aware that this stage can create friction with partners and family and frustration with ourselves when we can’t stick to it. E.g. You swap out unhealthy foods easily from your home, and the kids start complaining. You home cook meals rather than eat take-aways and your partner starts moaning. You may also fun face first into a partner’s insecurity about you losing weight or getting healthier. Their identity might be based on their current habits.
You may be actively undermined. Be prepared for it. Ultimately you have limited choices:
You can stay where you are and be unhappy.
You can take them with you on the journey and support each other.
You can reassure them so they don’t become part of the problem. You can distance yourself from them (easier with a partner, than with your kids!)

Commitment:

This is an identity change. You now see yourself as someone who is a runner or an athlete rather than someone who runs or goes to the gym. You see this in groups like CrossFit, the identity change is a powerful filter through which every decision gets measured. E.g. What would an athlete do? Go for a drink after work or have an early night? This is when decisions that align with your new identity seem to make themselves and it is almost a struggle to go back to the old habits. Here is when I’ve often seen a switch from training for the aesthetic to the athletic.

Once you are at this stage, congratulations, now start the cycle again with something else that isn’t serving you.

The magic happens when the habits become mutually supporting. E.g. you focus on quality sleep. Your recovery improves. Now you don’t want to stuff down cheap carbs because you’re tired, you reduce your caffeine load. Your recovery improves. You can train harder and more often. Your performance improves. You start seeing and feeling the changes in your body and mental and physical health. you start getting positive comments etc. Your stress levels drop. You stop drinking to deal with the stress. Your sleep improves… etc.